Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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