you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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