please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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