I'm eating all of the evidence.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
