Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
