Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
