He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
