Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
