I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
