marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
