and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
