Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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