Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
