he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
