Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize