hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
