is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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