I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
