She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
