sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
its liver damage thursday
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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