She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
