Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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