You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
