Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
