Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
