i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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