it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
