I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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