Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i believe in u and ur pee
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
