Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
