Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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