I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
