i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
