This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
