she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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