Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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