did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
