**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
