he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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