yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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