wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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