So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
