i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
