my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
