11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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