Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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