no, he came in my armpit
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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