I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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