My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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