Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
