I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
