not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
