seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
