went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
