i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
