don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
