don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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