The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
