does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
