Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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