haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
