Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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