i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
