awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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