stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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