I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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