She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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