I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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