i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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