you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
