I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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