But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize