i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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