if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
