I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
